my team

i just got home from my first meeting with the students i am leading down to mexico this spring break. it was a fairly short meeting where we went over a lot of 'housekeeping' and handing out papers and other necessary tasks.

part of the time was also spent telling them a quick version of my 'story'.
"my mom is from the midwest and my dad is from englad...blah blah blah....makes for interesting family gatherings....blah blah blah...went to a christian university...blah blah blah...majored in art...blah blah blah...once got stuck by myself in moscow for two days...blah blah blah." all basic facts that they will probably never remember.

and eventually it will be each of their turns to tell the group some facts about what has shaped them into the person they are right now. and that's what i'm excited about. not about the little facts but about getting to know these 8 young adults and how they have been shaped and where they are in their lives right now. and how i know that i am going to make at least some small impact on their lives and be a part of their journey. just knowing that some years down the road each and every one of them will most likely look back on the semester they spent with me and the week they will spend building houses in mexico and know that the experience had some influence on shaping them into the people that they have become is exciting to me.

when i stopped teaching the main reason i was reluctant to leave was because i thought i was no longer going to be able to have that sort of positive impact in young peoples' lives. but i guess God knows what he's doing. i know i'm where i'm supposed to be right now.

(if this post contains several instances of questionable grammar, which i'm pretty sure it does, i offer my sincerest apologies. i attribute it to a wicked sinus headache.)

photos

this past semester micah and i took an intro to black and white photo class at RCC. i've never been one to take many photos, but this class changed everything. i now own 6 cameras and i can't stop myself.

for class i had to borrow my mom's nikon SLR, since i didn't have one of my own. i mentioned getting a cannon AE-1 program from ebay, and my bro-in-law said that his parents had one that they never used any more. i jumped on that one and in december became the proud owner of an awesome old camera.

yesterday i got back my first three rolls of film from my trusty AE-1 and i was not disappointed in the results.

here's just a few...
the rest are on my flickr page.

my new favorite quote

i was reading through an article about why humans accumulate that timmy linked on his blog, and ran across what i think is the most fantastic quote i've read in a while...

“I have reached an elegant sufficiency and anything additional would be superfluous.”

i MUST find a way to use it.
watch out. you may get pummelled by this edwardian saying when you least expect it.

once

you know how you'll watch a movie, and then a few days later you've almost forgetten about it? but then sometimes you watch a movie and it's still on your mind weeks later? well, the movie once was the latter for me. i just can't stop thinking about it. there was just something about the honesty of the story and the acting that resonated with me.
and then there is the music...i know that glen hansard has been making music for a while, so i'm not discovering anything new here, but the music from this movie was so beautiful. i bought the soundtrack less than a week ago, and i think i've listened to it about 30 times.
no hyperbole.
seriously.
30 times.
by the time i get to the last track, 'say it to me now', i'm almost in tears. it's not just something you listen to, but something you feel.
i'm not trying to say that everyone needs to go out and rent this movie because you'll love it. you may not. i just wanted to let you all know that i do.

card

i was inspired by many people over the past two weeks to make a variety of changes to my habits, so i decided today that the first one on the list would be to buy less and borrow more. step one...this afternoon i trekked over to the riverside main library and got me a shiny new library card.


i'm not so sure how much i'll use it, since a quick parusal of their online catalog seems to be sorely lacking in some of the things that i'm most interested in. example - what self-respecting library carries only one moby album? seriously?
but at least this is a step in the right direction.

road trip - days 12 thru the end

micah and i stumbled out of bed (well, couch and floor if you want to be technical) bright and early the morning of the 31st and hit the amazingly foggy road south. it was a chilly 30 degrees out, so we had to scrape the windows first, but it made the morning's cup of coffee all the more enjoyable. once the fog burned off, it was an incredibly beautiful drive, and it really didn't feel very long at all.
at 7:42 pm we rolled into the risinger's house in salinas. we had sandwiches with heather and sat around and talked until bill and patti came home from a party. then we sat and watched the new year's show on television, toasted the new year, peeked outside at all the fireworks, and then went off to bed. i'm actually surprised i made it that late after the long day.

the next morning we got up late and watched the rose parade on the replay and did some more sitting around. (we like to do that on vacation) then at around 2 we decided to go on a walk. at one point we were something resembling lost, but then happily stumbled across this woodland path that goes between the houses and street and had a wonderful walk through the trees. we stopped for coffee and enjoyed sitting out in the warm sun. and then i noticed the most enormous leaf i think i've ever seen. i think it escaped from the jurassic period.

then bill and patti came by and picked us up and took us on a driving tour of the salinas area. we saw watsonville and gilroy and other little towns. it is just so beautiful there. we stopped at a vista point right at sunset and saw the most spectacular view of monterey bay.

then it was back to the house and homemade tamales and fudge cake (wow) and a few lively rounds of catch phrase (tip - always have heather on your team). it was a lovely and relaxing beginning to the new year.

so this morning we reluctantly left the risingers with heather back in the car and had an uneventful drive home. i've unpacked and it is starting to sink in that vacation is over and i have to go back to work tomorrow.
poop
thus ends the 'pacific northwest roadtrip extraveganza 2007'.

road trip - days 9 thru 11

the day didn't start until late on friday. micah, sara and i ventured up to washington park in the afternoon. it was gray and rainy, but it didn't stop us from taking a bunch of photos and being completely weird. here's a photo of our new fake band that we started that day. you can call us 'funkmaster e and the mossy trunks'. we're kinda awesome.

tree and lightpole in the park...

then we went downtown and looked around at reading frenzy and then went around the corner and got lost in powell's city of books. well, not really lost, but that would still have been fun. i bought a book by tolstoy, one by salinger, and one by bill bryson. nice mix.
by that time we were hungry, so we went back to sara's house to have dinner. then alissa came over and we made gingerbread and drank tea and watched 'once' and a few episodes of flight of the conchords.

we woke up a little earlier on saturday and drove up to alissa's house and then went for lunch at monsoon thai. mmmmmm. here's a photo of their fantastically lime green bathroom...

it's in the mississippi neighborhood, which is apparently becoming kinda hip. they had a ton of cool shops. coffee at fresh pot, and then little botique stores called hovel and porch light.
next we made our way to a zine shop called grass hut. here's part of their current installation wall.

next we hung out at the wild oats for a while. we wanted to get gelato at staccato gelato, but they were closed for the holidays. boooo. we were just waiting for our movie to start. so we walked over to the laurelhurst to see the darjeeling limited. so good. see it. then we went back to alissa's house and ate mint chocolate chip ice cream and popcorn and watched flight of the conchords. seriously. those guys never get old.

this morning we left the house at noon and went over to cup and saucer and had breakfast. probably the best breakfast i've ever had. spinach and havarti omlette with hash browns and a scone. heaven on a plate. then we went over to SCRAP and got some fun junk. i got a box of 100 zippers, a slide carousel and a bunch of computer wire for 7 bucks. then we walked down the street to a letterpress shop called lark press. they have the old letterpresses there in the shop and it was cool to see them working. i bought a couple cards just because they were so beautiful. then we went next door to pix patisserie and had a ghetto cake. don't let the name deceive you. so good.

then we drove across town to the bins. it was crowded and full of so much crap. but we found a few gems. i got a small old suitcase and some fabric. micah even found a polariod camera that she's been looking for.
now we're hanging out at alissa's house and she's making gyoza for dinner. it smells delightful. now she's making weird noises and micah is taking pictures of her. i love my friends.

tomorrow morning we will be leaving bright and early to drive straight through to salinas. it should be a long day, but then we get to spend almost an entire day with the risingers. yay!

road trip - days 7&8

boxing day was an eventful day.

started with coffee and the internet at the bauhaus...

next was pizza at pagliacci
a browse through a used bookstore
a stroll through pike's place public market
a bag of cheese at beecher's

fish & chips at ivar's

a browse through 'ye olde curiosity shop' & sylvester the creeepy mummy

pictures along the waterfront...

a stroll through the REI mothership
dinner at dad watson's
the McMenamins beer sampler (wow)
coffee & cheesecake at caffe ladro
pictures of the seattle skyline from queen anne...

ended with french fries and ice cream at dick's.

it was just a long day of endless food. so good.

this morning we woke up way too late, had breakfast at patty's eggnest (excellent french toast) and had a four hour white-knuckle drive back to portland. it rained buckets the entire way, but we made it in one piece. now we're getting ready to meet alissa and go see 'across the universe' at kennedy school. can't beat a $3 movie and a pint of beer.

road trip - days 4-6

my access to the internet has been sporadic, so i will attempt to sum up the past few days in as few words as possible...

sleep
moe's southwestern grill
target
portland saturday market
rain
organic soap
rain
hot chocolate
rain
chicken & angel hair pasta
flight of the conchords
cranberry martinis
sleep
3 hour drive up the I-5
sarah & michael
charlie's
guinness
fish & chips
twilight exit
pinball
sleep
christmas!
rain
the hurricane
'happy tuesday'
eggs & bacon
space needle
rain
sculpture garden
rain
snow
AMC theaters
Juno (excellent, by the way)
rain
top ramen
friends
apples to apples
laughter
rain
sleep

that brings us to this morning.
micah, sarah and i are sitting at the bauhaus internet cafe, drinking coffee and gettting our online fix. today will most likely involve pike's place (don't worry tim, i won't forget your cheese), the downtown library, and whatever else strikes our fancy. maybe even another movie...

road trip - days 1-3

i had been planning on posting yesterday, but my connection was crappy. so i'm just going to have to do a mega-post that covers the past three days.

so let me bring you up to speed...

thursday morning we got up bright and early, picked up heather, and got the rental car. and then proceeded to try and figure out how to cram all of us and our luggage into the car without breaking something...or someone. we finally figured it out and hit the road for the pacific coast highway at about 10 am. we decided to make it a leisurely drive and made a few photo stops...

the drive up the PCH is pretty twisty-turny, but we finally made it to Salinas and the Risingers, who graciously opened up their home to us. we had a yummy dinner, fun conversation, and a good night's sleep. it was hard to leave their house the next morning. actually, i think it ended up being afternoon.
then we ventured across town so that micah could see the house where Steinbeck was born...

then we took our time and drove up to san francisco. we didn't really have anything in mind to do while we were there, so we just walked around and took photos and watched people. we stayed at a hostel near union square, so there were plenty of people to watch...

i wish i could say we had a good night's sleep in san francisco, but what can you expect from a hostel for $30 a night?
then bright and early, we set off for destinations farther north. we made a quick stop at the marin headlands for a photo-op...

...and then spent the next 10 hours driving to Portland. it was a journey complete with snow flurries and freezing rain. good times. but we made it here safely and sara even had dinner waiting for us! we're now sitting all cozy in her living room, clicking away at our computers. i'm excited to be back in p-town visiting friends. i love this city.

it is officially christmas break

today was the last day of work until january 3rd. most people would spend this time shopping, going to parties, and spending time with family. but not for micah and me. tomorrow morning, bright and early, we begin our 'pacific northwest roatrip extraveganza 2007'. (yes, i realize that the title is long. deal with it.)
we are making stops in salinas, san francisco, portland and seattle. we will be spending our time sightseeing, visiting friends, doing lots of nothing and taking lots and lots of photos.
and being very, very cold. yay for the cold! and the rain!
i am so excited to be on the road, going to places that are different from riverside, and taking the time to be with people that i rarely get to see.
it should be good times.

(just pray we don't get washed off the road or snowed under.)

anybody up for a marathon?

pinch me

i am so excited right now, i think my stomach is about to climb out of my throat. what you are looking at is the view from the apartment alissa and i will be staying at from may 12th to 25th of next year. and yes, that is the eiffel tower sticking out of the top of that roof. it may not be the most romantic view in the world, but i'm excited to have found a little apartment to call home right smack in the middle of the city of lights. i've been planning this trip for over a year now, and i almost can't believe it's really going to happen. i have the apartment booked and my plane ticket purchased. in a little over 5 months, i get to live in Paris for 2 weeks!!!!! (ok, time to calm down now...)

but seriously...WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!

god grew tired of us

i know that i frequently write about the various documentaries that i've seen, and then say that you all need to see them. well, this time i mean it. i just finished watching god grew tired of us, and believe that everyone needs to see it, if you haven't already.

a little historical background....the current civil war in sudan began in 1987, which created an entire generation of thousands of orphaned 'lost boys' who have been living in refugee camps first in ethiopia and now in kenya for the past 20 years. the US has allowed some of them to emmigrate to america, and this documentary followed 3 of them for several years.

seeing our culture through the eyes of these young men who had never previously seen electricity or running water or pre-packaged food made me feel ungrateful.
seeing these young men appreciating things as simple as having a minimum-wage job and a kitchen full of food made me feel unapreciative.
seeing these young men completely confused about how we celebrate christmas, when 'isn't christmas about celebrating the birth of jesus christ?' made me feel trivial.
seeing these young men scrape by to get an education so they could go back to sudan and help those people they had left behind made me feel superficial.

it breaks my heart to see any of God's children living in such a horrible situation, and gives me a glimpse into how His heart breaks. it also frustrates me to know that i am not in any position to do anything to help. the american way is to just throw money at a problem, but i want to go and do. someday i will. someday.

of montreal

last night micah and i ventured out to the glass house in pomona to see one of the awesomest bands ever. of montreal is a unique mix of indie rock, pop, glam, and performance art. we saw them in february at the beginning of their tour, and the show had been completely overhauled in that time. first of all, both of the opening bands were actuall good this time. MGMT were really good, but their creativity seemed to be dependent upon some controlled substances. the next band was grand buffet, who were a white man rap duo from pittsburgh. i can't really explain what it was that made them so entertaining, but trust me, they are.

(it takes a real man to rock this outfit. you go, kevin)

of montreal's show already included large screens with graphics and videos, props and several costume changes. but now they've pulled out all the stops and constructed this huge multi-level stage with light panels and also have two guys dressed in costumes to periodically help act out small scenes that generally included a man in a white suit with a tiger head having a battle with a guy in a black body suit and sparkly silver mask. my thought was, how do you write that job description? 'yeah, we need a guy to run our light/video setup, oh, and also periodically dress up in a black body suit and have a fake sword fight with kevin.'
(by the way, all photos were taken by micah. i suck at taking concert photos.)

(slightly crappy picture of the stage)

(bryan decided to be glam rockstar angel)

of montreal always put on a great show, and it was totally worth the lack of sleep. but it did remind me that i might be getting too old for going to shows. i can handle the noise and the crowds, but i start feeling like an old lady when the kids around me start getting high and the only thing i want to do is go find security and get them busted.

this is going to be a long week, because tomorrow night micah and i voyage out to the wiltern to see rob bell explain why the gods aren't angry. it should be awesome.

flight of the conchords

alissa brought these guys to my attention a while ago, but i heard an interview with them on NPR this afternoon and it reminded me how funny they are. so i thought i'd share.
makes me wish i had HBO.

service

anyone familiar with my place of employment knows that every year we send out teams of students to do service projects all over the world. well, this year i applied to lead one of those teams, and i was chosen!

this spring i will be leading a team of college students to work with habitat for humanity mexico to help with their '40 houses in 40 days' lent project just outside mexico city. i am SO excited. i love what HFH does for families and have always wanted to participate in a home build. and i have recently had a deep desire to see the heart of mexico and learn what mexican culture is really like, and not just the immigrant stereotype that is so hard to escape here in southern california.

i'm trying not to think about all the responsibility involved in being the leader of a group of college students. i know i can do it, but it still kinda freaks me out.

but seriously....SO excited.

aidan

i know that there are quite a few people out there who would make very passionate cases for their own children, but i would have to say that, hands down, my nephew is the cutest kid on the planet. granted, the 'terrible twos' behavior has already started (even though his birthday isn't until december 23rd) and my sister likens him to a gremlin. he's just so cute and cuddly, but when he's in a bad mood, things get ugly fast.
he doesn't seem to have any fear and will gladly climb on, jump off of, or slide down anything in his path. he's super-independent and wants to do everything himself and make sure he helps us with everything. and he's super-smart. he already has a huge vocabulary, and we estimate that he learns about 5 new words a day. he is fascinated by anything with an engine and can correctly identify boats, motorcycles, trucks, tractors, dumptrucks, fire engines, airplanes, and cars. only things sound more like 'chuck' and 'duchuck'. but we get the idea. last weekend we were all amazed to realize that he knows all of our names. his sister abigail is 'dabadow', and my name is 'ezah'. he loves the fact that he can say 'ezah!', and that i will respond to him. so he just says it over and over for no reason. it will get annoying soon, but for now i think it's cute.

my grandmother

i'd like you to meet my grandmother, born Billie Maxine Fitzjohn on october 19th, 1927. this was her high school senior picture. i get my dark hair from her.
i am leaving on thursday morning with my mother, sister, niece and nephew to visit my grandmother and celebrate her 80th birthday. which means i get to spend the weekend in missouri.
i've always had a difficult time with knowing what to think or feel about my grandmother. she's the only grandparent i've ever known, and i don't even really know her. she has always had a neverending supply of love, time and energy for the people she ministered to in africa, but never seemed to be able to do the same for her own family. even when she came home from the mission field, she settled down far away from her own children. i've always wished i had the grandmother who taught me how to bake and sew and knit and told stories and did all the 'grandma' type things. and i sort of resent that she wasn't that grandma. and then i feel bad about myself for resenting her.
and then she sends me books by pat robertson. and it reminds me that she doesn't know me at all.
sometimes i wonder if it would have been easier to have never had any grandparents, rather than to have to daily mourn the loss of someone who is still alive.

update

i've had a number of people comment to me both via the internet and in person about my last post, so i feel like i should post an update.

like i said before, i believe that everyone has an inner critic. i believe that said critic is not biological, but comes from years of environmental conditioning. (i am not including those who have genuine biologically induced psychological problems.) my inner critic comes from a lifetime of conditioning from two parents (whom i love and respect immensely) who both came from highly dysfunctional, even sometimes abusive childhoods, and somehow came out the other end mostly normal, but with their own baggage. which includes a tendency to be highly critical of themselves and those around them. i have spent the past decade of my life working very hard on my various shortcomings and believe that i have made a lot of progress. but when you are 31 and still living with those people who are the external source of those critical voices, progress becomes much more difficult. i think i just got to the point where the persistence of the critical voices, combined with the fact that i have no resources to move away from my parents just became overwhelming.

so here's the update.

even though i know i shouldn't be, i am always astounded by the fact that God has his own way of reaching out and showing each and every one of us - individually - how much he loves and cares for us. within just a few days, i read a blog by aaron ivey, a person i've never met or spoken to, that seemed to be written just for me. and i just finished listening to a podcast of a sermon called 'both sides of the cup' by rob bell, in which his benediction prayer spoke to my heart.

needless to say, the inner critic is still there and still saying the same things, and i am still as frustrated as ever that i am stuck in my current situation. but i have been given some gentle reminders that God is bigger than my problems, and that he loves me just the way i am.

voices

i have this voice in my head.
not one of those scary, have to take lithium kinds of voices. a voice that’s always been there and that i inherited from my mother, and she from hers. call it a twisted legacy of sorts.
i know that a lot of people have an inner critic, but i believe that mine is exponentially more critical than most. it is also exceedingly insistent and oppressively loud.
this voice tells me that i am unoriginal, unintelligent, and that people don’t really like me – they just sort of humor me and put up with me and then say mean things about me when i’m not around.
this voice tells me that i will never have a meaningful relationship because why would a man ever love me when every other woman out there has so much more to offer.
this voice tells me that i’m going to be mediocre or outright fail at everything i try, so i usually just end up giving up before i even start.
this voice is why i don’t make much artwork anymore. in fact i haven’t really made much of anything in the past two years.
the conversation goes something like this:

me: wow, i have this great idea for a new series.

voice: you know, someone probably already did that.

me: so what, it will still be mine.

voice: yeah, but yours will never be as good.

me: uh, well, you’re probably right, but my friends like what i make.

voice: they’re just saying that so they don’t hurt your feelings. besides, it’s what the art world thinks, and they will never like your work. you should just give up now.

the conversation is pretty much the same for everything. just enter a new subject.
i’m tired of this voice.
it needs to go away.

worst movie ever

you all know by now that i love old movies. can't get enough of them.
you should also know that since i started watching mystery science theater 3000 (probably about 14 years ago now), i've been on a search for the worst movie ever made. for a long time, that distinction has been held - in my mind - by 'hercules against the moon men'. delightfuly horrible in the most painful way. the mst3k boys eloquently summed it up as 'deep hurting'.
the real winner of this distinguished title is probably widely known to any self-respecting movie buff, but i must admit that until today i was not aware of the wonderfully horrible world of mr. edward wood jr and the movie 'plan 9 from outer space'.
oh.
my.
word.
bad writing. even worse acting. laughable special effects. and a long-winded speech at the end about how men are stupid and are going to use these new technologies that they don't really understand to eventually destroy the universe.
it was so bad, i highly recommend it.
you'll laugh. you'll cry. you'll want those 90 minutes of your life back. and you won't regret it.

photograms

photograms are oh-so-much fun. here's a small sampling of what i created in class yesterday. i posted all of them on my flickr page.

millions of peaches

so what do you do when someone gives you a huge bag of beautiful fresh peaches?
why, go completely overboard and make not just a pie but cobbler as well.
i think we're going to need some help with this...

humancalendar

this is probably one of the coolest websites i have ever seen.


here's a photo of today's calendar. i am in awe of this guy's vision and planning to pull something like this off every day.
click on the photo and check it out.

here's a special treat...

so i go online this afternoon to check my bank account balance (i'll leave out which bank for their sake) and see a funny little check card transaction that i certainly did not make. (do i really need any video professor products? um, no.) since it is still a pending transaction, i think, 'great, i'll call customer service before it posts, get them to cancel it and be done with it.'
apparently, the world does not work that way.
i call and after going through innumerable menus i finally got a human being on the line. i told her about my funny little charge, and she told me that because it had not yet posted, there was nothing they could do about it.
what!?!
i have to have a fraudulent charge actually debit my account before i can do anything about it!?!
WHAT!?!?!?
she said 'wait until it posts and see if the transaction has a phone number and call the vendor and see if you can get credited. if that doesn't work, call us back and we'll sort it out.'
last time i checked, identity theft and fraudulent charges were a huge problem and are costing people billions of dollars. and that's the best they can do. what is the point of me being so careful with my finances and credit if when i find something fishy going on, nobody can do anything about it until the damage is done?
needless to say, i'm pretty upset about this.
just thought i'd share.

costumes

i was having dinner with the catlings on tuesday night and we started talking about halloween. a little early, i know, but that family has already printed their christmas cards.

i was remembering how much time we spent decorating their fabulous house and mentioned that we should start earlier this year. hilary then said something about not being sure she wanted to have a party this year. i know she will, it's just a matter of wearing her down. so then bill gets into the conversation and starts throwing out costume ideas. first he says we should all come as our favorite artists. i shoot that one down because i already did that last year. and it's a bit predictable coming from a group of artist. then he says we should all come as our favorite bible character and how they died. now THAT is a great idea. although i'm not so sure how you would dress up as someone who had been stoned. i think i would dress up as jezebel. it's hard to beat a halloween costume where dogs are feasting on your entrails.

so....any other good costume ideas?

the gods aren't angry

i just bought two tickets to see rob bell at the wiltern on november 13th.

there don't seem to be many tickets left, so if you want to go you better get them soon.

or you could beg to go with me.
although begging isn't exactly an attractive trait....

envy

ever been jealous of a cat?

yeah, me too.

music

last night i bought icky thump off of itunes.

WOW.

i think i've listened to it 3 or 4 times already.

one word......genius.