voices

i have this voice in my head.
not one of those scary, have to take lithium kinds of voices. a voice that’s always been there and that i inherited from my mother, and she from hers. call it a twisted legacy of sorts.
i know that a lot of people have an inner critic, but i believe that mine is exponentially more critical than most. it is also exceedingly insistent and oppressively loud.
this voice tells me that i am unoriginal, unintelligent, and that people don’t really like me – they just sort of humor me and put up with me and then say mean things about me when i’m not around.
this voice tells me that i will never have a meaningful relationship because why would a man ever love me when every other woman out there has so much more to offer.
this voice tells me that i’m going to be mediocre or outright fail at everything i try, so i usually just end up giving up before i even start.
this voice is why i don’t make much artwork anymore. in fact i haven’t really made much of anything in the past two years.
the conversation goes something like this:

me: wow, i have this great idea for a new series.

voice: you know, someone probably already did that.

me: so what, it will still be mine.

voice: yeah, but yours will never be as good.

me: uh, well, you’re probably right, but my friends like what i make.

voice: they’re just saying that so they don’t hurt your feelings. besides, it’s what the art world thinks, and they will never like your work. you should just give up now.

the conversation is pretty much the same for everything. just enter a new subject.
i’m tired of this voice.
it needs to go away.

worst movie ever

you all know by now that i love old movies. can't get enough of them.
you should also know that since i started watching mystery science theater 3000 (probably about 14 years ago now), i've been on a search for the worst movie ever made. for a long time, that distinction has been held - in my mind - by 'hercules against the moon men'. delightfuly horrible in the most painful way. the mst3k boys eloquently summed it up as 'deep hurting'.
the real winner of this distinguished title is probably widely known to any self-respecting movie buff, but i must admit that until today i was not aware of the wonderfully horrible world of mr. edward wood jr and the movie 'plan 9 from outer space'.
oh.
my.
word.
bad writing. even worse acting. laughable special effects. and a long-winded speech at the end about how men are stupid and are going to use these new technologies that they don't really understand to eventually destroy the universe.
it was so bad, i highly recommend it.
you'll laugh. you'll cry. you'll want those 90 minutes of your life back. and you won't regret it.

photograms

photograms are oh-so-much fun. here's a small sampling of what i created in class yesterday. i posted all of them on my flickr page.

millions of peaches

so what do you do when someone gives you a huge bag of beautiful fresh peaches?
why, go completely overboard and make not just a pie but cobbler as well.
i think we're going to need some help with this...