update

i've had a number of people comment to me both via the internet and in person about my last post, so i feel like i should post an update.

like i said before, i believe that everyone has an inner critic. i believe that said critic is not biological, but comes from years of environmental conditioning. (i am not including those who have genuine biologically induced psychological problems.) my inner critic comes from a lifetime of conditioning from two parents (whom i love and respect immensely) who both came from highly dysfunctional, even sometimes abusive childhoods, and somehow came out the other end mostly normal, but with their own baggage. which includes a tendency to be highly critical of themselves and those around them. i have spent the past decade of my life working very hard on my various shortcomings and believe that i have made a lot of progress. but when you are 31 and still living with those people who are the external source of those critical voices, progress becomes much more difficult. i think i just got to the point where the persistence of the critical voices, combined with the fact that i have no resources to move away from my parents just became overwhelming.

so here's the update.

even though i know i shouldn't be, i am always astounded by the fact that God has his own way of reaching out and showing each and every one of us - individually - how much he loves and cares for us. within just a few days, i read a blog by aaron ivey, a person i've never met or spoken to, that seemed to be written just for me. and i just finished listening to a podcast of a sermon called 'both sides of the cup' by rob bell, in which his benediction prayer spoke to my heart.

needless to say, the inner critic is still there and still saying the same things, and i am still as frustrated as ever that i am stuck in my current situation. but i have been given some gentle reminders that God is bigger than my problems, and that he loves me just the way i am.